Saturday, April 28, 2007

I am the bad guy

I confronted my wife about the statement she made about not caring about my videos. I told her that it hurt my feelings. I also told her that if she made christian videos I would watch them. I may not agree with the message, but I would watch them. I expected it to go well because I was calm and so was she. She blew up.

She said that I am not in the same situation as her. She is the victim her because of my choice. I explained to her that I did not make a choice. I stopped believing because of the lack of evidence. I would gladly believe again if I saw convincing evidence. I can not choose to believe.

I asked her if she wanted me to come to church and play along, knowing that I really don't believe. She did not answer. She is upset with me because she thinks I betrayed her. I know if she had become atheist while I was christian, it would have hurt me too.


[13.7] said...

Have you guys thought of seeing a wedding counselor, a mediator to help you guys express your feelings through a neutral third person?

There is no one that I can recommend where you live. My issue with it though is that I think that it may be hard to find a therapist that would be unbiased with regards to religion, or lack of thereof. Especially in the Bible Belt, chances are quite a few of these therapists will be Christians.

Anyhow, I think it may be an option worth investigating. I understand that you want to save your marriage. No options should be dismissed.

I'll check out if I can find someone that I can recommend for your situation. Also ask other atheists that may have been in a similar situation.

Good luck!


Anad said...

I'll second what the poster above said.
Try and find a third party to help both of you discuss your situation so that hopefully it there can be a happy medium for now.

Sandy said...

HI Atheist Dad,

My husband was still a Christian when I left the faith two years ago. The absolute best advice that I can give you is what worked for me...

I told my husband that I no longer believed and why and then I completely backed off. Here we are two years later and now he is no longer a Christian either, he may still be a believer in some kind of God but we don't discuss it. Every now and then we converse about the bible and he bad-mouths a lot of things right along with me but those conversations are short.

Also, both of my children are self-proclaimed non-believers in any Gods at all too. I was completely honest with my children and we regularly discuss religion. They are quick to point out how silly the Bible is and also love to talk about the hypocrisy within its pages.None of this happened overnight.

Try not to be insulted if she doesn't want to hear it, or read what you write, or view your videos. Put yourself in her shoes (I did the same for my dh). Did you come out of the cult because someone guilted you into reading anti-Christian sites and papers or was it something within your very being that prompted you to seek out the information that eventually helped you see the light and leave the faith? Chances are, like me, your freedom came from within, not pressure from outside sources. You also have to remember where you used to be...scared of God, in love with God, terrified of hell and remember that she is still there.

Allow her to be free in her choices and in turn, hopefully, she'll allow you to be free in yours. Don't take her resistance as a personal attack. I have a feeling if you keep all of that in mind, that things will definitely improve within your marriage.