My wife told me something my son did in his Sunday school class last week. They were asking the kids if they wanted to pray for someone. My son said he wanted to pray for his Daddy. He prayed that Jesus would come into my heart and make me all better.
At first this made me a little sad and remorseful. I am not sure what he thinks about me. If he is afraid that I am going to hell, or that I am going to turn into a bad person, I think I should talk to him about it. I am not sure what to say.
I want to tell him he does not have to worry. There is no heaven or hell. But that would conflict with what my wife wants him to believe.
I do not want to lose my marriage. I love my wife and kids. I cannot make myself believe. I also cannot pretend to believe.
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I would tell him that different people believe different things...and perhaps everyone is right and perhaps everyone is wrong, but what is important is finding your own way, and respecting the beliefs of others. You can't live other people's lives for them. You can't think for them. You can't feel for them.
Damn, I think my heart would break if my soon to be born daughter were to do the same thing. She is going to be our first.
I have really enjoyed your first two posts, and I hope you keep it up. May reason win the day with your family...someday. I wish you all the best.
How old are your children? When I deconverted I told mine everything and they were ages 7 and 10 at the time.
It is hard, I know that all to well as my deconversion ended up being the reason that my dd lost her best friends. Like you, I couldn't "pretend" and so I was honest with my Christian friends. My dd's friend's parents gave me a timetable (of which I wasn't aware) and that was that. On my dd's 8th birthday we were told that her best friend couldn't go because I wasn't a believer in Jesus. They said that our dd could go to their home but that their dd couldn't come here or go anywhere with us. I should have known something was awry because that whole first year when I "came-out" we only met for park days.
hey man,
why do you actually take all this theist/atheist-issue so bitterly seriously. seems to make a lot of sorrow for your wife/kids.
maybe following your relatives advice long ago wasn't really a smart reaction. did you ever try to question god himself, instead of only debating with other not-omniscient people?
as far as i know him, god has nothing against being questioned - even the opposite. as long as it is honestly...
all the best
peter
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